20

It's been a while, but I'm back. Writing has always been therapeutic. I can feel my keyboard welcoming my fingers as they touch the individual keys, it was as if they were having a reunion. My last post felt like a goodbye, but it was more of farewell and I'm sure as hell I'll be writing more from today onwards.

A few days ago, I turned 20. I turned 20 and I am 20 now. 

It's weird to know that every inch of you has aged from the tips of your toes to the ends of your ears and the face which belonged to you a few years back seemed like a distant memory. It reminds you of the good days and innocent escapades and you wonder how you turned from that to what you look like in the mirror today. The creases on your face; stretched lines across your forehead; blemishes and scars are evidence of your growth.

I've been told many times that I'm a very introspective person - a trait often belonging to an older age bracket, which may not be beneficial me. Imagine a mature man trapped in a growing adolescent body. He's worrying about things he should not be worried about. Instead, what he should be doing is enjoy the youth that he's blessed with at the moment. 

I over-analyse. I overthink. All these things I mull over and cogitate about is unhealthy. I know that for a fact but I can't help but just think about it - which is a joke. The counterfactual thoughts I have everyday; "What if?" and "If only.." that occurred to me when thinking of how things could have turned out differently. Amusingly, I know that they can never materialise, they never will. 

Luckily for me, I know that this feeling is fleeting. As I grow older, I tend to realise that we attach lesser meanings to thoughts and feelings. I care less, I let things be as it stand. I can't change the past with what I'm thinking. I have to think less, and act more. I try to let things be as it stands. I'm actually calling this the natural course, where I let things be. As an added worldview, the more I interfere, the worse it gets. Like a ship on a sail, I have to let nature guide me and not force my way to my final destination.

When the time comes for me to make a decision, I will but I will not regret it because that's the way it was meant to be.